Wednesday, 10 November 2010

More Pictures

Can't really be bothered with a blog entry today so will try one tomorrow.

Until then, more sick photos!

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Fucking animals

I adopted 2 rescue rats last week and had them down the vets today as I think they have respiratory infections. Slight issue as I was down to my last 30 notes and a vet is about 28 alone, let alone to meds they'd need. Called the place round the corner, got them booked in, borrowed a pet carrier from a friend and thought I was sorted.

I knew it'd be an issue to get them in the carrier, they're not quite settled with me yet, but eventually got them in there and braved the walk to the surgery, which I think scared them both shitless.

Problem is the vet I showed up at isn't where I booked the appointment.

Called the other vet, rebooked the appointment for 3 hours later. After wandering home again and seeing just how far the original vet is from my flat I figured sod it, called the place I was walked to and from and managed to get one there half an hour later. So no real point walking back.

Got there on time and wound up about 40 minutes late to see someone, then had to do a lot of on-the-fly blagging to get them to give me the meds on credit, but managed in the end.

Got to give them this liquid antibiotic twice a day for a week. One of them is ok, she grabs hold of the syringe and happily drinks it. The other has to have it hidden on the only food she'll eat there and then, no matter how much she's given - rice krispies.

So for the next week I got to spend 30 minutes +, twice a day, dropping bits of antibiotic on individual rice krispies and feeding them to her. Do any of you have any idea how many of those little bastards 1ml of liquid takes up???

Still hopefully, in a week or so they'll be fully cleared and moved in with my other two.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

Whats Pissed Me Off Today

Imagine for a second that at any point in any day, you can be just going about your life when suddenly from above you hear a cacophony of what sounds like A concrete slab being bitch slapped by a sledgehammer, an active bowling lane and an excessively popular half pipe skate ramp. This is life with my neighbours.

Before you continue, bear in mind I'm on the first floor, my door is opposite the security door and the path leads past my window, so there is actually a reason i've seen enough to deduce the following, I'm not just a bit stalky.

From what I KNOW as fact, there are 4 of them. This is completely open to debate as from the day I moved in here 6 years ago they have been doing work on their flat, and I have seen at least 8 different people going in and out of that place regularly. I think the record in one go was 12. It really does seem as though they're building a new partition room every other day to move in another relative, or they have about 4 flats between them and rotate who stays where. The daughter I actually feel sorry for. She looks about 15, always looks kinda miserable, never see her coming in or going out with any friends, plenty of times carrying bags and bags of shopping and that's it. She goes to school and she does to the shopping, and something about her whole demeanor just gives my a strange feeling that she's being given a very sheltered life but sees no escape in it, or at very least no point in fighting it., But I don't know these people. it's none of my business and I have no facts to go on so not really anything to do with me.

The father looks to be in his 40's and seems like any other bloke really. Will give you a nod passing in the hallway but no real conversation from him,. The mother/grandmother (I have no idea which, she looks about 70!) who rarely leaves the flat. never without male escort, won't answer the door or the security buzzer unless her husband is home and if you ever do run into her, she looks pissed off someone saw her, like she was hoping life wouldn't notice she stowed away on board.

Then we have the little shit.
The point of this post.

Their youngest seems to think every day must be greeted with a scream, and filled with seeing how resistant the wooden flooring is to his feet. If it feels so inclined it will open the window and start firing a water pistol at everyone who passes by. I don't know if he has a skateboard or just a wheeled office chair up there but by the gods of fuckmonger if it ain't the most fun thing in the world to ride back and forwards across one room all day. Honestly, I once made a mental note of start and end times, it went on for a little over 3 hours. I'm working on the assumption that he has no hands and instead must balance anything he carries on his shoulders, explaining the necessity to constantly stop stomping about to turn around and stomp back to collect whatever the little dickhead dropped this time, before continuing his ever so important journey up and down one single room. Even the timing of the little hell-shite is perfect. It starts at just about the same time of morning that I tend to spend sleeping for another hour in the room above my bedroom, has a brief ceasefire long enough for me to have a shower, and by the time I'm in the front room with a cuppa tea, he's obviously in his front room with a fucking gattling gun and a whole platoon of Charlie to take out.

One day I'm gonna stop the dad in the hallway and ask him "Can you jsut stick your head round the door of my flat for a minute and look at something for me?" then when I have him in there, say nothing. Just stand and wait. Let him hear how fucking loud his demon spawn is then point out I have that to listen to for approximately 14 hours a day if I'm at home.

Now I understand kids make noise, run about, play and have fun. I accept this. I do not condone it for children are irritating little shitbags who are a nuisance and inconvenience to everybody which I for one am fucking fed up of having to make allowances for (Oh you decided to spawn did you, good for fucking you, but if you cant raise a kid that gets out of my fucking way when I'm trying to get on a train, or leave a shop, you people wait at the back of the queue. Just cos you have a fucking kid why should it interfere with my day - but that's a rant for another entry).

Surely even the simplest minded people know that if you live above someone, they are likely to hear you from time to time. If you have wooden floors, this will increase the effect. If you have children to mix with said wooden floors it's apocalyptic. When I was growing up my old dear would go fucking mental if she thought I was making enough noise to disturb the neighbours, and my friends who grew up in flats were always told to think of the people downstairs, dont walk round the house in shoes etc. I would have thought at some point one of the parents might have knocked the same downtrodden discipline and sense of unimportance into their little cunt of a son that they appear to have done to his elder sister.

Then again I'm talking about people who i've seen walk up to the security door as a lady with 5 bags of shopping was struggling to open it, pull it open, stroll straight past her in single file (there were 7 of them at the time) and let it close behind them. I think she said it best when I then went and opened the door for her:

"Some arseholes learn manners and become people"

Sunday, 24 October 2010

10 Things I Will Eradicate When I Control the World

- Children in public
- Anyone who reads any publication in the ilk of  "Heat"
- Cricket
- Democracy (bit of a given if I control everything)
- Religion
- The concept of American English - you can't speak a language improperly then call it one of it's own
- Traffic wardens. This is how I will keep the hearts and minds of the people
- Fast food places
- Privatisation of banking
- X-Factor

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Something that ISN'T shite!!!

Just felt I had to share these in gratitude of whoever the fuck I was talking to for getting involved in the joke for 2 minutes last night

Friday, 1 October 2010

My Latest Annoyance...

The combination of my brian and my ipod. I'm a little bored of the music I have and need suggestions: - Rock, Alternative, Motown, Blues, basically anything except Jazz, rap, r'n'b and hip-hop.

Fuck Fucking Fridays

After waking up at 7, a joy everyone holds dear to their heart I'm sure, my entire journey to work was made even more face-punchingly frustrating by my old dear's insistance on listening to Capital radio every fucking morning. Now Johnny Vaughan is a person I kind of like, but am not quite sure why - probably like most people - especially because he is without doubt the most irritating cunt you could have to deal with first thing in the morning. The ongoing "banter" (please read that as pointless, unhumoured droning) between him and those little shitbags in JLS is enough to make a grown man cry. Or at least enough to make me want to smash the face in on every fucking person we go past.

Apparantly the new big thing is they have their own range of condoms out called Just Love Safe (JLS gettit? Wonder how big a team of 10 year olds they needed to work that one out?. I wasn't listening enough to find out why in god's name they think this is something they need to do, but I can only imagine that putting their fucking picture on the box will give the message "Look what might happen if you don't use contraception", in which case i'll be wearing one for every wank from now on, just to be on the safe side.

How is it possible for people like this to be able to harness such public adoration when the few who do still bother to attempt to enlighten our society are shunned? Wait, that's right, reality tv.

Anyway with the journey here somehow survived by both myself and the members of the public I encountered along the way (Quick note to the fella in the red jacket this morning, I still think you're mother is more proud of her STD collection and am glad I took the opportunity to tell you as much) I get to the office to find the most amazing piece of parking I have ever seen. Really, I might go down there in a bit and take a photo. I don't drive but even I know the idea of a parking space is to have one line equally spaced on either side of your car, not one fucking wheel evenly spaced either side of the lines. So a quick note scribbled on the windshield to the degree of "learn to park you fuckwit" shoudl hopefully at least let them know how much of a dick they are.

Now all that awaits is another 7 hours of the most mundanem pointless and unrewarding work I have ever had to endure. I think I'm gonna be fucking off early today just because, well bollocks to the NHS and all the idiots who're dragging her down.

Will have another few words to say later today I'm sure as my last 2 days have been spent in progressive fury at how difficult it is to find a decent film or tv show anymore.

Until then here's a picture of a kitten. I hope it does more for you than it does me, as I'm currenlty imagining the little fucker on a barbecue.


Monday, 20 September 2010

Fuck weekends

I got to stand in the crowds at Kenilworth Road on friday night and watch AFC Wimbledon put in a piss-poor performance against Luton Town.

This was duly followed by a train journey home in which a 14 year old shit bag who I am ashamed to know supports my club went out of his way to piss me off until I uttered the words "Look cunt, I'm above punching a child in the face but you're fucking pushing it!".

Big mistake. We all know the last thing you want to do with a cocksuck of a kid is encourage it. This means the entire trip back to South London, while already drunk and depressed, became a challenge in social morality. I still don't know how I passed.

Throw into this an argument with the missus whose in a strop because plans SHE made on MY behalf without fucking speaking to me first clash with plans I already have. Waking up Saturday with that to deal with was a big enough arsehole, then we have an entire weekend of football results playing right into Chelsea's decrepid and corrupt little lap, the girlfriend war raging until the wee hours of this morning, and just as everything gets wrapped up in a neat little package, Monday morning is already fucking here. Fucking weekends. Liberty-taking wind up merchants is all they are.

Overall my lessons of the last few days have been:

1. Any football match that involves me being on a train out of London in early afternoon, AFC are guaranteed to lose
2. Punching children isn't necessarily wrong
3. Bitches be crazy
4. Liverpool can always be relied upon for some light relief
5. Luton is a fucking horrible place to spend even a moment of your life
6. The locals up that way DO NOT LIKE away fans singing their team's anthems in the locals' pubs
7. There's a Luton fan called Charlie whose about 9 years old. We met him and his dad at the pub. In another 9. years Charlie WILL be head of a hooligan firm. That kid had bollocks on him!
10. Wrtiting things in list form is fucking stupid.

Monday, 13 September 2010

People With No Right to Live

  1. X-Factor contestants, judges, viewers, producers. Anyone with any connection to the inherit tripe that undermines our collective national intellect
  2. Anyone who has ever bought something released by Kanye West, 50 Cent or N-Dubz
  3. People who have to tell you the value of everything they own
  4. Anyone who ever held a Staffordshire Bull Terrier on the end of a rope, chain or lead designed to look like either
  5. Students who like to crow about what they'll be in ten years and don't realise they are still just a hopeful wannabe in that field and warrant no respect untilt they acheive a qualification
  6. People who think giving money to a registered charity instead of an individual know where their moeny is going
  7. Greenpeace
  8. David Motari, Kenny Glenn, Mary Bale and Wang Jue (look em up, I can't be bothered with explanations)
  9.  Anybody involved with crush films
  10. Manufactured musicians being chewed through the system, used to generate countless millions from idiotic teenagers for a few years before being idiot enough themselves to think anyone will give a fuck about them after their 20's and leading to a 30 year period of bullshit tv and advert appearances in a desperate measure to claw back some of their once known public affection
  11. The music industry bods who allow this, led by the Dark Lord Simon Cowell
  12. Any bloke whose ever raised hands to a woman. In self defence restraint is as far as you can ever go.
  13. Judgmental pricks like me who think the world isn't good enough for us
  14. Those who play music from their phones in public, because it is invariably the shittiest piece of crap ever passed off as an art form
  15.  People who don't vote out of apathy. Protest vote motherfucker. Use it.
  16. Tony Blair
  17. Hardcore staunchly patriotic Americans. You built your country on deceipt, greed, abuse and violence and that is nothing to be proud of. I am well aware the rest of us are no better but nobody else screams and shouts about it quite like you. Give me another country who calls a domestic sporting competition "The World Series"
  18.  People who oppose Health Care Reform in the states. Stop worrying about your fucking wallet and take a look at people around you for once
  19. Benefit cheats. I had to rely on benefits lately and just sitting in that office knowing everyone working there and everyone seeing me go in or out is under the impression that i'm like you was soul destroying.
  20. Supporters of Israel. Give the palestinians back their fucking land. Yep, us in the UK  have to take our blame on that one, we fucked up and it's time we put it right
  21. Religous clerics - Stop using false hope and fear tactics to turn the naive and overly trusting into conformised sheep
  22. Any woman who has more than 1 kid for every decade she's been alive