Monday, 20 September 2010

Fuck weekends

I got to stand in the crowds at Kenilworth Road on friday night and watch AFC Wimbledon put in a piss-poor performance against Luton Town.

This was duly followed by a train journey home in which a 14 year old shit bag who I am ashamed to know supports my club went out of his way to piss me off until I uttered the words "Look cunt, I'm above punching a child in the face but you're fucking pushing it!".

Big mistake. We all know the last thing you want to do with a cocksuck of a kid is encourage it. This means the entire trip back to South London, while already drunk and depressed, became a challenge in social morality. I still don't know how I passed.

Throw into this an argument with the missus whose in a strop because plans SHE made on MY behalf without fucking speaking to me first clash with plans I already have. Waking up Saturday with that to deal with was a big enough arsehole, then we have an entire weekend of football results playing right into Chelsea's decrepid and corrupt little lap, the girlfriend war raging until the wee hours of this morning, and just as everything gets wrapped up in a neat little package, Monday morning is already fucking here. Fucking weekends. Liberty-taking wind up merchants is all they are.

Overall my lessons of the last few days have been:

1. Any football match that involves me being on a train out of London in early afternoon, AFC are guaranteed to lose
2. Punching children isn't necessarily wrong
3. Bitches be crazy
4. Liverpool can always be relied upon for some light relief
5. Luton is a fucking horrible place to spend even a moment of your life
6. The locals up that way DO NOT LIKE away fans singing their team's anthems in the locals' pubs
7. There's a Luton fan called Charlie whose about 9 years old. We met him and his dad at the pub. In another 9. years Charlie WILL be head of a hooligan firm. That kid had bollocks on him!
10. Wrtiting things in list form is fucking stupid.

Monday, 13 September 2010

People With No Right to Live

  1. X-Factor contestants, judges, viewers, producers. Anyone with any connection to the inherit tripe that undermines our collective national intellect
  2. Anyone who has ever bought something released by Kanye West, 50 Cent or N-Dubz
  3. People who have to tell you the value of everything they own
  4. Anyone who ever held a Staffordshire Bull Terrier on the end of a rope, chain or lead designed to look like either
  5. Students who like to crow about what they'll be in ten years and don't realise they are still just a hopeful wannabe in that field and warrant no respect untilt they acheive a qualification
  6. People who think giving money to a registered charity instead of an individual know where their moeny is going
  7. Greenpeace
  8. David Motari, Kenny Glenn, Mary Bale and Wang Jue (look em up, I can't be bothered with explanations)
  9.  Anybody involved with crush films
  10. Manufactured musicians being chewed through the system, used to generate countless millions from idiotic teenagers for a few years before being idiot enough themselves to think anyone will give a fuck about them after their 20's and leading to a 30 year period of bullshit tv and advert appearances in a desperate measure to claw back some of their once known public affection
  11. The music industry bods who allow this, led by the Dark Lord Simon Cowell
  12. Any bloke whose ever raised hands to a woman. In self defence restraint is as far as you can ever go.
  13. Judgmental pricks like me who think the world isn't good enough for us
  14. Those who play music from their phones in public, because it is invariably the shittiest piece of crap ever passed off as an art form
  15.  People who don't vote out of apathy. Protest vote motherfucker. Use it.
  16. Tony Blair
  17. Hardcore staunchly patriotic Americans. You built your country on deceipt, greed, abuse and violence and that is nothing to be proud of. I am well aware the rest of us are no better but nobody else screams and shouts about it quite like you. Give me another country who calls a domestic sporting competition "The World Series"
  18.  People who oppose Health Care Reform in the states. Stop worrying about your fucking wallet and take a look at people around you for once
  19. Benefit cheats. I had to rely on benefits lately and just sitting in that office knowing everyone working there and everyone seeing me go in or out is under the impression that i'm like you was soul destroying.
  20. Supporters of Israel. Give the palestinians back their fucking land. Yep, us in the UK  have to take our blame on that one, we fucked up and it's time we put it right
  21. Religous clerics - Stop using false hope and fear tactics to turn the naive and overly trusting into conformised sheep
  22. Any woman who has more than 1 kid for every decade she's been alive