Thursday, 10 February 2011

Too many plans, too little time

So an old pal of mine is down from the far-flung land of Manchester from tonight for a few days, so we're all going raving on Saturday, got a huge fucking turnout lined up, party supplies purchased and prepared, an empty flat we can descend upon afterwards for further indulgence until the evening and then sleep. And I have to work.

It's not all gloom, I'm still going raving, but I knew weeks ago they'd give me the sodding night shifts this weekend, which they duly did. I was down for tomorrow through till Monday, all night shifts. I managed to get the guy working the days on sat and sun to agree to swap, then realised I'd got myself on friday night and saturday morning, a 24 hour shift. Phoned him back and managed to swap tomorrow for tonight, then all I had to do was call the 3rd lad working here and get him to agree to take Sunday's day shift.

So far he's given me 3 different stories in 3 different conversations as to why he can't. Seems he will be in M*lt*n K*yn*s (cunts) whil,e simultaneously being in both Kent and the Isle of Wight. Good effort fella.

Now at the end of the day, if you can't do me a favour, you can't do it, that's not an issue. If you don't want to do it, just say so - on this occassion I would have offered to take on 3 of his shifts in exchange for this 1 of mine - but if you don't want to and are then going to take me for a mug by bullshitting me over it, then fuck you. There are only 3 of us on this job, it's 12 hour shifts and management have told us the schedule is a "suggested rota", we can work whatever hours on whatever days we want between us, so long as there is one of us here on each of the 9 weekly shifts. "Sort it between yourselves and let us know of any changes you decide on" they tell us.

The first fella, Rob is cool as fuck on this front. He lives in the same area as me and suggested when we do the weekends between us, the friday nighter works a 13 hour shift so we can do 7am starts instead of 6 to at the weekends to make it a 40 minute train journey instead of 90 minutes on 3 buses. He's told me to call him anytime I want to change the shcedule, I've told him the same, we're both just interested in making life easier for all 3 of us.

The second fella, Tom, on the other hand lives 10 minutes walk away, drives and point blank refuses to deviate from the schedule one single bit. To the point that when Rob or I take over from him of a morning, arriving 10-15 minutes early, he leaves when whichever one of us shows up, same with Rob - when the relief arrives you're on your way. Taking over from Tom however, he makes a hell of a fucking scene if you try to leave before 6, knowing it leaves us with 10 minutes to do a 13 minute walk to get to the train station in time, or wait half hour for the next one.

Knew there had to be a downside to this job, and I think I just found it. An ageing Scottish cunt who likes to make life needlessly difficult.

Man, fuck Tom.

Friday, 4 February 2011

3 Months on.......

And I can finally be arsed with all this again. Mainly cos I have hours to fill.

Ok so last update I was working at the hospital. Left there because the NHS is a fucking disgrace, a sieve for fucking fundings and it drove me mental.

Seriously, I saw a director spend £120 on a mouse. The reason for it was the shape. Turn your mouse on it's side and hold it as you normally would, so your thumbs over the lase. The forefinger and middle finger are where the buttons were. THAT is apparantly worth £120 of my taxes??? Fuck you.

Next up was the prison.



For people deemed detrimental to society they don't half get the fucking considerations in there! You're not allowed to refer to them as inmates, (we were told to use 'residents' for fucks sake, but I dont think this is true of every nick), everything stops according to them and they say what they want to who they want without punichment.

That said each and every one of them were better people than most of the fucking staff.

Now, i'm working security and it's brilliant. I sit in a room, on my own, with a laptop, a broadband dongle and a 1.5tb external drive, drinking tea, watching films and being paid for it. No people to deal with, no bullshit hassle, not even any actual work.

Should give me more time to start doing this shit again, but i'll only really bother when I have something worth saying I guess.

Rest of it in short - the 2 rats settled in fine, have all 4 in one cage now but one of the new ones has a fucking huge lump on her side, so that's probably gonna do for her in time which is a shame, flatmates moved out so I'm on me own and fucking loving the space from other people's shit and the ex girlfriend has finally accepted it's not gonna happen and seems to have left me alone.

All pretty upbeat for a blog called "Everythings Shite"

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

More Pictures

Can't really be bothered with a blog entry today so will try one tomorrow.

Until then, more sick photos!

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Fucking animals

I adopted 2 rescue rats last week and had them down the vets today as I think they have respiratory infections. Slight issue as I was down to my last 30 notes and a vet is about 28 alone, let alone to meds they'd need. Called the place round the corner, got them booked in, borrowed a pet carrier from a friend and thought I was sorted.

I knew it'd be an issue to get them in the carrier, they're not quite settled with me yet, but eventually got them in there and braved the walk to the surgery, which I think scared them both shitless.

Problem is the vet I showed up at isn't where I booked the appointment.

Called the other vet, rebooked the appointment for 3 hours later. After wandering home again and seeing just how far the original vet is from my flat I figured sod it, called the place I was walked to and from and managed to get one there half an hour later. So no real point walking back.

Got there on time and wound up about 40 minutes late to see someone, then had to do a lot of on-the-fly blagging to get them to give me the meds on credit, but managed in the end.

Got to give them this liquid antibiotic twice a day for a week. One of them is ok, she grabs hold of the syringe and happily drinks it. The other has to have it hidden on the only food she'll eat there and then, no matter how much she's given - rice krispies.

So for the next week I got to spend 30 minutes +, twice a day, dropping bits of antibiotic on individual rice krispies and feeding them to her. Do any of you have any idea how many of those little bastards 1ml of liquid takes up???

Still hopefully, in a week or so they'll be fully cleared and moved in with my other two.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

Whats Pissed Me Off Today

Imagine for a second that at any point in any day, you can be just going about your life when suddenly from above you hear a cacophony of what sounds like A concrete slab being bitch slapped by a sledgehammer, an active bowling lane and an excessively popular half pipe skate ramp. This is life with my neighbours.

Before you continue, bear in mind I'm on the first floor, my door is opposite the security door and the path leads past my window, so there is actually a reason i've seen enough to deduce the following, I'm not just a bit stalky.

From what I KNOW as fact, there are 4 of them. This is completely open to debate as from the day I moved in here 6 years ago they have been doing work on their flat, and I have seen at least 8 different people going in and out of that place regularly. I think the record in one go was 12. It really does seem as though they're building a new partition room every other day to move in another relative, or they have about 4 flats between them and rotate who stays where. The daughter I actually feel sorry for. She looks about 15, always looks kinda miserable, never see her coming in or going out with any friends, plenty of times carrying bags and bags of shopping and that's it. She goes to school and she does to the shopping, and something about her whole demeanor just gives my a strange feeling that she's being given a very sheltered life but sees no escape in it, or at very least no point in fighting it., But I don't know these people. it's none of my business and I have no facts to go on so not really anything to do with me.

The father looks to be in his 40's and seems like any other bloke really. Will give you a nod passing in the hallway but no real conversation from him,. The mother/grandmother (I have no idea which, she looks about 70!) who rarely leaves the flat. never without male escort, won't answer the door or the security buzzer unless her husband is home and if you ever do run into her, she looks pissed off someone saw her, like she was hoping life wouldn't notice she stowed away on board.

Then we have the little shit.
The point of this post.

Their youngest seems to think every day must be greeted with a scream, and filled with seeing how resistant the wooden flooring is to his feet. If it feels so inclined it will open the window and start firing a water pistol at everyone who passes by. I don't know if he has a skateboard or just a wheeled office chair up there but by the gods of fuckmonger if it ain't the most fun thing in the world to ride back and forwards across one room all day. Honestly, I once made a mental note of start and end times, it went on for a little over 3 hours. I'm working on the assumption that he has no hands and instead must balance anything he carries on his shoulders, explaining the necessity to constantly stop stomping about to turn around and stomp back to collect whatever the little dickhead dropped this time, before continuing his ever so important journey up and down one single room. Even the timing of the little hell-shite is perfect. It starts at just about the same time of morning that I tend to spend sleeping for another hour in the room above my bedroom, has a brief ceasefire long enough for me to have a shower, and by the time I'm in the front room with a cuppa tea, he's obviously in his front room with a fucking gattling gun and a whole platoon of Charlie to take out.

One day I'm gonna stop the dad in the hallway and ask him "Can you jsut stick your head round the door of my flat for a minute and look at something for me?" then when I have him in there, say nothing. Just stand and wait. Let him hear how fucking loud his demon spawn is then point out I have that to listen to for approximately 14 hours a day if I'm at home.

Now I understand kids make noise, run about, play and have fun. I accept this. I do not condone it for children are irritating little shitbags who are a nuisance and inconvenience to everybody which I for one am fucking fed up of having to make allowances for (Oh you decided to spawn did you, good for fucking you, but if you cant raise a kid that gets out of my fucking way when I'm trying to get on a train, or leave a shop, you people wait at the back of the queue. Just cos you have a fucking kid why should it interfere with my day - but that's a rant for another entry).

Surely even the simplest minded people know that if you live above someone, they are likely to hear you from time to time. If you have wooden floors, this will increase the effect. If you have children to mix with said wooden floors it's apocalyptic. When I was growing up my old dear would go fucking mental if she thought I was making enough noise to disturb the neighbours, and my friends who grew up in flats were always told to think of the people downstairs, dont walk round the house in shoes etc. I would have thought at some point one of the parents might have knocked the same downtrodden discipline and sense of unimportance into their little cunt of a son that they appear to have done to his elder sister.

Then again I'm talking about people who i've seen walk up to the security door as a lady with 5 bags of shopping was struggling to open it, pull it open, stroll straight past her in single file (there were 7 of them at the time) and let it close behind them. I think she said it best when I then went and opened the door for her:

"Some arseholes learn manners and become people"

Sunday, 24 October 2010

10 Things I Will Eradicate When I Control the World

- Children in public
- Anyone who reads any publication in the ilk of  "Heat"
- Cricket
- Democracy (bit of a given if I control everything)
- Religion
- The concept of American English - you can't speak a language improperly then call it one of it's own
- Traffic wardens. This is how I will keep the hearts and minds of the people
- Fast food places
- Privatisation of banking
- X-Factor

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Something that ISN'T shite!!!

Just felt I had to share these in gratitude of whoever the fuck I was talking to for getting involved in the joke for 2 minutes last night