Sunday, 31 October 2010

Whats Pissed Me Off Today

Imagine for a second that at any point in any day, you can be just going about your life when suddenly from above you hear a cacophony of what sounds like A concrete slab being bitch slapped by a sledgehammer, an active bowling lane and an excessively popular half pipe skate ramp. This is life with my neighbours.

Before you continue, bear in mind I'm on the first floor, my door is opposite the security door and the path leads past my window, so there is actually a reason i've seen enough to deduce the following, I'm not just a bit stalky.

From what I KNOW as fact, there are 4 of them. This is completely open to debate as from the day I moved in here 6 years ago they have been doing work on their flat, and I have seen at least 8 different people going in and out of that place regularly. I think the record in one go was 12. It really does seem as though they're building a new partition room every other day to move in another relative, or they have about 4 flats between them and rotate who stays where. The daughter I actually feel sorry for. She looks about 15, always looks kinda miserable, never see her coming in or going out with any friends, plenty of times carrying bags and bags of shopping and that's it. She goes to school and she does to the shopping, and something about her whole demeanor just gives my a strange feeling that she's being given a very sheltered life but sees no escape in it, or at very least no point in fighting it., But I don't know these people. it's none of my business and I have no facts to go on so not really anything to do with me.

The father looks to be in his 40's and seems like any other bloke really. Will give you a nod passing in the hallway but no real conversation from him,. The mother/grandmother (I have no idea which, she looks about 70!) who rarely leaves the flat. never without male escort, won't answer the door or the security buzzer unless her husband is home and if you ever do run into her, she looks pissed off someone saw her, like she was hoping life wouldn't notice she stowed away on board.

Then we have the little shit.
The point of this post.

Their youngest seems to think every day must be greeted with a scream, and filled with seeing how resistant the wooden flooring is to his feet. If it feels so inclined it will open the window and start firing a water pistol at everyone who passes by. I don't know if he has a skateboard or just a wheeled office chair up there but by the gods of fuckmonger if it ain't the most fun thing in the world to ride back and forwards across one room all day. Honestly, I once made a mental note of start and end times, it went on for a little over 3 hours. I'm working on the assumption that he has no hands and instead must balance anything he carries on his shoulders, explaining the necessity to constantly stop stomping about to turn around and stomp back to collect whatever the little dickhead dropped this time, before continuing his ever so important journey up and down one single room. Even the timing of the little hell-shite is perfect. It starts at just about the same time of morning that I tend to spend sleeping for another hour in the room above my bedroom, has a brief ceasefire long enough for me to have a shower, and by the time I'm in the front room with a cuppa tea, he's obviously in his front room with a fucking gattling gun and a whole platoon of Charlie to take out.

One day I'm gonna stop the dad in the hallway and ask him "Can you jsut stick your head round the door of my flat for a minute and look at something for me?" then when I have him in there, say nothing. Just stand and wait. Let him hear how fucking loud his demon spawn is then point out I have that to listen to for approximately 14 hours a day if I'm at home.

Now I understand kids make noise, run about, play and have fun. I accept this. I do not condone it for children are irritating little shitbags who are a nuisance and inconvenience to everybody which I for one am fucking fed up of having to make allowances for (Oh you decided to spawn did you, good for fucking you, but if you cant raise a kid that gets out of my fucking way when I'm trying to get on a train, or leave a shop, you people wait at the back of the queue. Just cos you have a fucking kid why should it interfere with my day - but that's a rant for another entry).

Surely even the simplest minded people know that if you live above someone, they are likely to hear you from time to time. If you have wooden floors, this will increase the effect. If you have children to mix with said wooden floors it's apocalyptic. When I was growing up my old dear would go fucking mental if she thought I was making enough noise to disturb the neighbours, and my friends who grew up in flats were always told to think of the people downstairs, dont walk round the house in shoes etc. I would have thought at some point one of the parents might have knocked the same downtrodden discipline and sense of unimportance into their little cunt of a son that they appear to have done to his elder sister.

Then again I'm talking about people who i've seen walk up to the security door as a lady with 5 bags of shopping was struggling to open it, pull it open, stroll straight past her in single file (there were 7 of them at the time) and let it close behind them. I think she said it best when I then went and opened the door for her:

"Some arseholes learn manners and become people"


  1. wow man, feel sorry for you :(
    Now I know how it feels for the people who used to live under our apartment